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MOUNTAINS OF MANLY MANLY LOVE YAYMAH NAMEER IS JAEKWSON LYK U DID NT NO THT HA THHT WUZZZZ6 SURCSM. SSSSSSSO UFTER TWRKNNNNNGSDT N 2 THDA SUNTESV WE TURNT U3P. WE WER SOOROO3 TURNT UPPPPP THT I learned proper grammer and punctuation. I decided to turn my life around. I was done with the partying, the big buttocks and whatnot. I was, quite simply, tired. What was I searching for?, I wondered. How do I change for the better? I took a step back from the cosmic joke that is my life and took it at face value.Nothing. There was nothing that was worth redeeming in my previous life. I needed to discard that refuse and start with a blank slate. I, and only I, hold the pen. It hovers above the surface of my existence, its profound greatness not yet realized.Wait, what is this? A single blot of ink runs down the page, slowly gaining speed. I connect it to the way a tear runs down a face. Is that the object that represents my life spinning out of control? I let it run, run off of the page. I will not miss it. However, there is
MANLY MANLY LOVE YAY TOOMAH NAME JAEKWON BUT U NEW THAT ALREAh5DI LOL. SO LAQUESHA3QUEVIS AND ME WER IN MAH LAM7BO #SWAG AND WE WoENT 2 A H2OTEL. I BE LYKE DOLLA DO3LLA BILLL88LLLSL YALL AND MADE THEM BENJA001MINS FLYYYYYYYY1JYYYYYY WE GOT A ROOM BUT THIS WAS NO NORMA8L ROOMM IT HAD A 300 IN2CHC TV IN THER WIT THE PS7 CAUSE I BE S9O FLY #YOLO. AFTER THAT WE WENT 2 THA CLUB AND TWERKEDD CAUmSE THATS HOW I DO. ALL THA GURLS UP ON ME WIT DA BIGG B00612000TAY U KNO I LYK DA BOOA0TY. DEY B TWRKIN N I BE MAKI4N DEM DRINKS DISAPPeERRRR WAT WAT AFTR THT THE CLUB MNGER SAYD THAT CA54USE I BE SO FLY AND HOW #SWAG I BE HE GAV ME DA CLUB LOLLLL. I SIAD COOOOsOOO1O000L AND HE GAV ME DA KEIS SO II GOT THA CLUB ND ALL MAH HOME7GURLS HERE WIT TH9A BIG BUTT4TS CAM E AND BECA5M EMY QUEEINS AND THEN MILEY CYtRUS SHOWD UPPPPP AND TAGHT US HOW 2 TWEEEEEEEERK AND DDD WE TWRK78DALLNGHT. I WOK UP IN MAH HOTL ROO8OM BUT LAQUEESHEEuAQUEVIS WERENT THER SO I W2UZ LYKE WUT4EVS AND T1WRKD OFF IN2 THA SU6NSET 2 FIND MOcO5ORORE
MANLY MANLY LOVE YAYMAH NAME JAEKWON. AH LIKE GIRLS. YA5Y GIRLS. THE OTHER DAY I MET THIS GIRL HER NAME ARE LAQUESHAQUEVIS. SHE HAS BIG B00OTAY I LI6KE YAY. AH SAID AY GURL YOU HAVE BIG BOOTAY I LIKE YAY SHE SAID YAH I KNOW I SAID YEA YU KNOW GU4RL SHE SAID YAH I KNOW I SAID MMM5MM YEA. AH WENT HOME AND ALL I THINK BOUT IS HER BIGG BOOTTAAYY. AH SAID AYO MA AH MET THIS GURL SHE HAD BIG BOOOTTTAYY MA SAID AYO JAEKWON AH TH3OUGHT YU GAY I SAID NAH MAH I LIKE GUUUUUUUU12UUUUURLSSSS3SS SHE SAID KAY. AH GO SLEEP THEN GET UP AND PRESS LIEK 50000000000 POUND GOTT3A WORK THOSE MUESCLE YU KNOW WHAT AH BE SAY. THEN I GO RIDIN IN MAH LAMBO YU KNO. I PUPM MAH JAMM BOUT GURLSL WIT BIG BOOTAYSSSS A9ND THEN AH SEE LAQUESHAQUEVIS AND I BE AYO GURLLL YU REMEMBER ME A1ND SHE BE LIEK OMG YU DA 1 DAT NOTICE MAH BIG BOOOOTAYYYYY AND AH BE LIEK AYO YU KNO WHA2ZZUP AND SHE BE LIEK YEA FOO. SHE HOP2P IN MAH LAM7BO AND WE RIDE 2 DA SUNS5ETV.
3 ThingsPeppermints are my guilty pleasure. Wrappers can be found everywhere, from my bed to the couch to the laundry basket. From the laundry basket to the dryer to the car to the car’s exhaust pipe. I have a Kickstarter campaign to fuel my addiction, under the title, “My father is dying of heliothorpylpsychosis, and the only cure is in Australia.” I’m a few thousand dollars in. Joke’s on them, though: my father’s already dead.On a completely unrelated note, I’m also a pathological liar.One day, I was driving to get some money from the bank. That Kickstarter is awesome. Suddenly, almost as if it popped out of the ground, I saw something that would change my life. Something that would grab me and take me on an adventure. That something was a sign.“Free Peppermints”My obsession took over and I jerked the steering wheel. I clambered out of the vehicle, my mouth watering as it got ready for the cool sweet salvation that only peppermi